a girl’s feet will tangle yours under sheets you just bought for a night like this. the price tag is still glued to the plastic wrapping stuffed underneath the bed. her feet are frigid and feel like frostbite against your legs when you fall asleep, but they’re like mittens roasted over a fire when the sun blinks through the curtains.
a girl’s legs are taut and thick. they’re flexible and enclose you in a straightjacket at 2 am when they knot around your waist and pull you just a little closer. if she’s still sleeping, it’s even better.
her thighs will make you forget about your calculus homework and your french exam. they will make you forget about your father’s affair or your best friend’s disorders. they will make you forget your name and they will make you forget who you are without them. hold them as tight as you can. i promise, she loves it.
when you were in fourth grade, they taught you stop, drop, and roll at the sign of a fire. when you’re in her bedroom on the second floor, her quivering hips will trick-start a similar fire in your teeth, and you’re going to want to listen to your fourth grade teacher, but don’t. if you stop, whatever it may be that you’re doing, she might kill you.
so in health class, they’re supposed to teach you that your hands will never fit somewhere like they will on a girl’s waist. it doesn’t matter if it’s wide and soft, or small and hard. your hands will adapt to her waist like the heart to your blood. they’ll feel as natural as fingers on an instrument.
sometimes you can see her ribs; sometimes you can’t. they flicker like an old grainy movie under her skin, and they feel like sharp magma in your palms. they’re structure — they protect her. hold her there if you want her to feel like this house isn’t caving in on herself.
her chest. promise her you’d never want anything more or anything less. if you don’t mean it, stop reading, and find someone else.
taste her collarbone. dip in the crevices and valleys and plant trees at the bottom. root down, cherish the nature, and never ever underestimate a girl’s collarbones. they’re a place to sleep when its -11 outside. write scripts on her collarbone. they are forever.
if you don’t know blueprints to her neck with your eyes closed from tracing it with your mouth, you’re doing it wrong. learn it. memorize it. you better know her pulse like counting with your dominant hand. kiss it like it’s her mouth. her neck will change over time, yes. but make sure you can change with it.
kiss her before she brushes her teeth. make fun of her morning breath. kiss her after, and make fun of the flavor of her toothpaste. kiss her when she’s angry and throwing the vase your mother bought her, and kiss her when she can’t stand and she bubbles over with tears like hot water. kiss her if she’s laughing and tell her it’s because she makes you happy. kiss her if she won’t stop talking because you want to taste her voice. kiss her when she isn’t talking because you miss it. kiss her in the shower and kiss her everywhere. if it’s raining, kiss her, and kiss her again when she calls you a cliche. kiss her in public because you want them all to know, and kiss her in private because you don’t need them to either. god, just kiss her on the mouth. nothing else matters. just fucking kiss her.
“1. Forget the past.
2. Do stuff.
3. Talk to strangers.
4. Stay in touch.
5. Stop bitching, venting, and complaining. They don’t make you happier.
6. Go outside. Vitamin D is better than drugs.
7. Don’t expect it to last forever. Everything ends and that’s okay.
8. Stop buying useless crap.
9. Make mistakes. Learn from them.
10. Spread joy.
11. Don’t bother with people you hate.
12. Don’t become someone you hate.
13. Play the hand you’re dealt.
14. Choose not to take things personally.
15. Don’t put it off.
16. Help is everywhere.
17. Give without limits and expectations.
18. Be enthusiastic, dammit. Being above everything makes you an annoying prick.
19. This too shall pass.
20. You are already enough.
21. What would you do if you weren’t scared? Okay, now do it.”—21 commandments instead of 12 (via seulray)
Do you ever get like super vulnerable late at night that you just want to spill your heart out and say how you feel because you’ve been holding it in for so long and you just need some ventilation and there’s just something about two in the morning that makes me lose my filter and say the things I would never have the guts to say when the sun is up.
“Don’t think about what can happen in a month. Don’t think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be.”—Eric Thomas (via moaka)
“When sex isn’t magical, then sex shouldn’t happen. And when it is magical, its power shouldn’t be underestimated. The energy exchange between two people making love is far more significant than rationalists think. That is why we can become so deeply vulnerable to someone once sex has taken place. The question is whether someone has the personality structure to contain the power of last night’s behavior, the morning after and the morning after that. This where women often start getting overactive and men start wimping out. All of this is why, without some kind of commitment to the larger relationship, making love can be so emotionally risky.”—Marianne Williamson (via mindofataurus)
“1. Do not fear your body for the things it lacks.
2. Treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love.
3. “No” means no, don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
4. Read. It will help you; everywhere.
5. Tell them you like them, it’ll kill you if you don’t.
7. Your period is natural, do not apologize.
8. Look up things you do not understand.
9. Remember to give the amount you know you will be getting back.
10. Clothes aren’t an obligation but bare your flesh for those who love your bones.”—10 Lessons For My Daughter (via flowerlilies)
I am sorry for loving you so strongly it made you want to run away from me. Every time your arms were wrapped around me I hugged you so damn hard because I always feared one hug was going to be the last.
I am sorry for staying up late one day and showing you a beautiful white laced dress I found on google. Jesus, I regret showing you a wedding dress and telling you I wanted it if I ever got married.
I am sorry for having wedding vows stuck to the margins of my journal. I’ve been questioning myself lately because i frequently wonder if you’ll still be by my side if you never saw my journal. Oh my gosh, I am sorry for having such a colorful imagination. I’m sorry for looking at you too closely and remembering all your quirks and gestures. Sorry for remembering your favorite bands and the favorite line from a movie you loved. Sorry for remembering the first time you told me “I love you.”
I am sorry for kissing you too much and for doing it with so much passion implanted to my lips. The thing is your lips made me feel like I was carrying the moon inside my heart and every time you kissed me I felt like it was going to be the last.
I am sorry for remembering too much. I always memorized all the things you said to me and all the things we did. The things is you made me feel like I was carrying stars on my fingertips and azaleas in my mind.
I am sorry for gazing into your eyes too much but I swear the solar system was stuck in your eyes, and everyday when I stared at you it was like being in outer space for the first time. Your eyes were so captivating and they made the evilness within my mind melt.
I am sorry for telling you “I don’t know what I’ll do without you” every other day. Sorry for corrupting your oxygen with my sticky words.
I am sorry for sleeping in one of your t-shirts every single night. The thing is I never wanted to be away from you.
I am sorry for being too insecure about us half the time and bombarding you with a million questions you detested. The thing is I always over analyze everything because everything I’ve had always gets swallowed by a black hole.
I am sorry for not giving you my virginity and walking away every time you attempted to go far. The thing is my mother has always lectured me in the art of sex and self worth. My mother always tells me “don’t allow a guy to run away with your innocence. Standup and walk away. If you allow that to happen you’re going to be like a damaged - broken painting no one can study because it’s lost all meaning.” For the past days my thoughts have been going back and forth. Maybe if you killed my innocence you never would have suffocated me with your departure. However, there are days I’m glad I didn’t allow myself because you would’ve packed your heart in a suitcase and ran away anyways. Jesus, I hope the next person you meet doesn’t trip over your stupid mesmerizing tricks.
I’ve been writing too many ‘I am sorry’s’ lately and I realized that I should say sorry to myself. I should write an apology letter to myself because I constantly bury myself in a million disasters. I bury myself knowing the same thing is going to happen, knowing the people I fall for carry sourness inside their head. I always go out of my way and jump in fire for other people when they wouldn’t even get dirt or water to calm me down; instead they’ll get gasoline and infuriate the fire.
Dear me, I want to apologize for being too hard on you lately, for blaming you on everything when your mind deserves sunshine and sweetness. You shouldn’t blame yourself for having a heart and a mind bigger than the whole entire universe, for hoping too much and loving people with your swollen heart.
“If you’re thinking
of ways to make him love you.
If you’ve thought about giving
him your body and allowing
him to steal your innocence
because that’s the only way
his presence might stay around you.
If your mind is choking on
WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF
dress your heart in black
and tell him,
“you do not deserve me,
and I deserve better.””—Alexa Evangelista (via vodkakilledtheteens)